As I stared into the starless night, my heart was being pulled by toxic hands. They pulled me into suffocating quick sand, while burning me inside out. At times like these, I'd rather die than live. At times like these, death was Eden's garden; life was Heidi's kingdom.
I wanted to claw out my eyes if that was what it took to gain attention. Then again, what would I see the caring faces with if that was what I did?
Images shot through my collapsing brain like bullets. My hands filled with someone else's blood. Bones crunching. Screams. They made me feel relieved. I'm not doing this because I want to. I'm doing this because these imaginary bullets stop themselves from materializing in reality. I must use them, or else my life will just be a bloody circus. I hate it.
I hate not being able to think happy thoughts. If I do, then the opposite will happen. That's how I came to think that having a free mind is dangerous.
That man's face was painted. He's shirtless. His muscles rippled as he slipped out a knife from his pocket. Ignoring me, he went into a cold, empty cement building. Old rusty water left black streaks down the walls. My lungs stopped expanding. That building wasn't empty. I choked. My tears ignited. My mother's scream plunged out of the building. The world melted as I crumpled to the ground. My skin stretched and plunged into the ground. I'm never getting up. The world is too cruel. Knives began to fall. Pierce me, I thought.
I opened my eyes. My covers still layed neatly on top of me. I licked the salty sweat from the top of my lip, then wiped it with the back of my hand. It was just a dream. My heart slowly returned to normal as I started breathing again. I sighed in relief. Then I screeched as a clawed hand dug into my face. The hand had no owner.
My eyes slid open just in time to take in my mother laughing as she walked out of that cement building. Then the rain of knives granted my wish before I had a taste of relief.
I sat on a skull in the pitch black night. A starless sky was above my head as I plead for reality to take me back. Though you are cruel, please take me back. At least in reality, I only had to die once.
