My birthday!

My birthday is approaching!  In exactly 3 days, I will meet with the day I was brought into this world!  Its the day when my personal year will be lived.  It is the Reneeland New Years.  I wonder if there is anyone out there who was born at the exact same time as me...I bet theres probably 3 people at the most.  Well, my birthday will be a special one this time because my age will be a multiple of 5!  How does that make it special?  ...I don't know, but whatever!  My dad says its special so I guess it is... 

So did you know you can get a free song from iTunes every week if you go to Starbucks and get one of those little cards from the counter?  It's pretty cool. But honestly, I really don't like the songs they offer.  I'm a fast-paced city girl and I really don't have the thing in me to listen to classic or slow flow, such as country music (with Love Story being the only exception).  Fast-pace is what I like even though it can be unhealthy for some people.  But since I like it and it makes me joyful its whats good for me~

Back to my birthday.  I want to be a spiffed up perky little ball of energy and down to the earth kind and caring and loving and bubbly sorta girl.  The kind of girl that easily molds herself into fitting into any group of people.  By that I don't mean totally changing my personality or anything like that, but just be easy-going and all.  Plus, I want to be straight forward.  Not the blurt whatever comes to your mind sort of thing but a speak your mind when your asked to sort of thing.  I wouldn't want to be those nosy people who just pokes into someone's converstion and just starts speaking your mind and in the end everybodys gonna be like "Uhhhh, who the hell asked you?!".  LOL.  That would be kinda embarrassing.

Also...I HAVE TO LEARN TO LET THINGS GO!!!!  I have been way too scrunched up for the past lifetime!!!  I mean, when I do something embarrassing it takes FOREVER to get over.  I have to learn to go with the flow~  Whoooooo.  Anyways, some commotion is going on with my weird crazy family.......and my mom just said the f word.  Uh oh!

Analysis- Will I vs. I will

 The difference between "will I" and "I will" is the fact that one is a question while the other is a command.  We would normally expect people who say "I will" to themselves to have more success; it shows more determination and confidence than saying "will I".  However, a startling study shows that those who say "will I" to themselves will actually obtain more success.

 I personally think the reason is because the statement "I will" rouses a sense of anxiety when someone says it.  It carries a feeling of a final decision and pressure.  "Will I", on the other hand, has a wavering tone that one uses in the middle of decision making.  Thus, one will have the tendency to explore the pros and cons before making the decision. Once the objective of the decision is clear, a strong foundation is formed and the person will complete the task with less pressure and more success than the one who said "I will".

Diary exert: Letter to 15 year old me.

Dear older me,    

     Maybe in 20 years, you will come back here again and meet the younger you.  Maybe you will forget, but it doesn't matter, since life will always go on.  
     As you worked your way through your studies, you have procrastinated, cried, cursed, and hated yourself.  There were also times when you felt you were the smartest person in the world.  And did you notice how I said "through your studies" instead "through your life"?  That was the type of girl you were.  Grades were the world.  All you cared about was getting into an elite university.  You wanted a bright future: you wanted to be rich, to be respected, to live a luxurious life.  Thus, you never cared about knowledge.  Or anything, other than getting good grades.  You would've done anything to get what you wanted.  You were superficial, yet you didn't like to act in front of teachers.  You liked brands, you manipulated parts of your body you didn't like; but you never acted in front of a teacher. You didn't pretend to be interested in something that you weren't interested in.  When you were interested in something, you would do your own research.  You didn't ask a ton of useless questions to try to express your interest.  When you wanted to know something, you asked one, straight to the point, question.  You hated little tricks and curves, you just wanted a clean strike through.  Whatever the difficulty was, you always managed to get past it.  Although you tend to have mood swings and fell sick often after or even during an intense project.  Despite all that you were still a mentally strong girl.  You hated to let people see you cry.  You only cried in front of them when you wanted them to see.  You didn't like to show true emotions.  Yet you shared tons of your secrets with friends.  But you lied about your emotions.
      You love coach bags, but you loved your mother more.  You went to a sample sale and spent 180 dollars on a coach bag with no permission; because you knew it was hard to find that sort of a deal.  Though you loved the bag, you gave it to your mother, just so you can see her smile.  You knew she longed for an expensive bag, but she never liked to spend so much money on herself.  But she would've spent twice as much on you without hesitation.  You understood how hard your dad worked to keep the family alive.  He was like a protective bubble wrap.  He was someone who thinks a 150 dollar coat is to expensive to wear on normal occasions when you wore Lululemon pants to the gym.  He was someone who started saving money for your university tuition fee ever since you were 5.  That is how much confidence your parents had in you.  Something you only truly realized while writing this today.
      Furthermore, you were someone who appreciated you family and friends who supported throughout your 15 years of rocky mountain hiking.  You cared about them more then anything, but you never liked to say things like "I really appreciate your company" or even "I love you" with a serious tone.  Maybe you thought words were cheap.  But actions aren't enough to show your appreciation anymore.  Therefore, you will write it here: in this private little corner of your world.  



To all of those who have supported me and spent time with me and made me laugh and helped me get past the roughest edges:  I love you and you will always have a place in my heart, forever.

Dialect Story

~A prevaricator like you has no right to talk in this house!
~Really!  A dilletante like you has some right to say that! 
~I was not the one who conspired with those heretical beings to swindle such a poor little boy.
~You are still a novice in our trade.  Watch your tongue.
~Nonsense!  Novice or not, the basic human moral grounds is evident and free for any being to discuss!  You people are dirty I say and I have the right to say such a thing!
~Yes, yes.  You have complete right.  But say, since you mentioned moral grounds, do you think you have an unblemished reputation?  
~...
~Why have you turned taciturn?  Oh I see, you have no more moral grounds to stand on do you?  And to be silenced so easily!  You are the most docile thing I have ever handled!  Such a weakling...SERVANT!
~Yes sir.
~Escort this gentleman out the door.  I am tired of seeing him.
~Will do sir, this way sir.
(Front door opens and closes.  Ruffle of fabric.)
~Ah, hmmm.  Bed time.
(Creaking.  Footsteps.  Flames flicker and die.  Bedroom door closes.  Light scatters across the floor through the gap under the door.  Silence except for a little muffled scream.)

How did the heart shape come to be a symbol of love?

College Confidential

I have been reading threads on college confidential; especially the ones regarding Harvard.  From my reading, I have found that I still have a long way to go before I am qualified to apply for Harvard!  ACT, SAT I,and SAT II are tests that I have yet to take and have 2 years to take them.  Another goal I have, is to get involved in a long-term volunteer job in a hospital and to continue volunteering for other events that allows me to demonstrate and ameliorate my leadership skills.  I am also going to stop molding myself into an individual that I think will fit into the Harvard community, for that is a main element that contributed to the rejection of many.  As my art teacher once said, "If you just be yourself, you will always be accepted".  From this, I conclude, that I must be true to myself from now on and express thoughts that are my own and not manipulated by my peers.  This will not only help me become more independent and make me a better leader, but it will also allow me to enjoy my highschool years a lot more by stopping me from seeking the approval of others at all times. 


                                                      Good luck to me ;),
                                                                   Renee

Dialect of Mlle Cyndi Yuan and Mlle Renay Shu

RS: We're crazy! ♥
CY: Of course baby boo D:!
RS: CYNDIKINS! ♥U! When I grow up! I'm going to buy Ed Hardy oversized sunglasses, Prada bags and Chanel Perfume, Alexander McQueen shoes, laSenza Lingerie and Gucci wallets.

What's happening lately?

I officially declare, I am over him!!!  I will not think about him anymore and I will study and never like ANYONE for the next 12 years!  I am freaking tired of caring... I wish I could shut my feelings up.

Pink Background

Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens) -Critic

In the book "Oliver Twist", Charles Dickens pours his heart out and communicates very effectively the conditions in the workhouses.  The language in the book ...


I'll continue late with my good copy....

PeACe. ♥

5201314♥

I notice every single time you walk through the door.  I acknowledge your presence every single second.  My conscience is struggling, I'm drowning in pools of despair.  Do you ever notice how my eyes become pools of hope when you talk to me?  Do you know that my heart is beating--- beating for you?  I wince and cringe every time you refuse to look at me.  My heart freezes when you show any signs of your disinterest in me.  I don't want to continue like this, stumbling blindly through my pointless affection for you.  I want to let you know and to show you my inner self, but you seem to have me imprisoned and tied up to the point where it is impossible to break through.  Why is it that, even when I know you are a player, I still like you?  Why do I give my heart to the ones who are most likely to give it away?  I want to take my beloved heart back.  You don't deserve it, yet, you seem to always persuade me to give it to you.  And after you are in possession of my heart, you always hurt it.  Every one of your insults, no matter how light-hearted they are, they always feel like the most painful stabs.  Why did it have to be you?  I'm tired of burying my feelings...and trying to keep them buried.  I know I can't keep them in any longer for they are continuously resurfacing.  If I keep burying like this over and over again, I'll end up burying my soul.

I'll end up burying my soul, because of you.

520♥♥♥

~A butterfly

A beautiful butterfly,
Fluttering about,
It's vibrant colors,
Gives me a magnificent thrill,
I want it,
I crave for it,
I long for this beautiful thing,
To come to me,
And let me stroke it,
And let me feel its magic.
But as I attempt to pursue it,
It became more and more distant,
And my poor heart,
Filled with despair,
Sank deeper and deeper,
With every step I took.
I pursue the precious gem,
But it wouldn't come to me.
I cried in sorrow knowing,
Knowing it would never be mine.
My steps faltered,
And my knees wobbled,
And alas I stopped my pursuit.
And my eyes,
My poor eyes,
Were blinded with hot tears.
I walked and I walked,
Never looking back.
My mind then started to clear,
And thought no longer of that butterfly,
I thought no longer of that butterfly,
I thought no longer-----
No longer...
Then out of blue,
I noticed,
That the butterfly has quietly landed,
Landed ever so softly,
And sweetly,
Upon my shoulder...


    

~My dream

I have a dream...
I dream that in ten years of time, I will be rushing through the bright halls of a clinic and meeting patients who need my help.  I dream that I will become someone who relieves people of their pain and bring smiles to their faces.  I dream that I will feel exhaustion at the end of each day but an exhaustion that will make me feel I have lived to my full potential.  I dream that my job will not only bring me happiness, but at the same time, to others as well.

It's weak

Dizziness,
Echoes,
Disaster,
Collapse.
Plug your ears,
But it doesn't stop,
Scream all you can,
But they don't go,
There is nothing you can do,
But suffer.
They criticize your appearance,
They criticize your way of speech,
They criticize your life.
You absorb it all eagerly,
Yet you know it will do you harm,
You know what they say isn't serious,
It isn't important,
Yet you cling onto their every word,
As if they were your dear life,.
This isn't about constructive criticism,
But gossip with no reason,
There's no need to try to stop the source,
For words cannot be stopped.
Shut your heart to these malices,
For they are weaker than weakness itself.

Crimson Snow

A beautiful white world,
A white fantasy,
The earth lying under a white blanket,
So beautiful,
So pure,
So ethereal,
Yet,
Such perfection can never last,
Disturbance will always appear,
Making it,
Utterly,
Imperfect.
People trampling in the snow,
Dirt turn the white dream,
Flawed.
Yet,
One disturbance is beautiful,
And utterly glorious,
That is crimson splattered on white,
Turning it into,
Crimson Snow.

Blink and Marquee

Wow 
I hope this works
Let's try marquee!!!!

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SO COMPLICATED!!! AND THE TEST IS NEXT MONDAY!!!

...

Solar Eclipse

***This picture does not belong to me.  I got it from  www.hpb.at.  

Trickle of comfort~

Snow falling around me,
Me walking in the streets,
The streets of New York.
Surrounded by tall buildings,
Walking through a white fantasy,
In my black sheepskin boots,
And costly wool coat.
Sparkling eyes,
And light heartiness,
I breath in the sweet air.
How glorious life can be!

Mourning Tears~

Eyes closed,
Lips curled in a smile,
Long grass tickle your cheeks,
And birds chirp,
A lovely song,
How wonderful it was,
To lay there,
Enjoying nature's caress,
A breeze blew,
And footsteps drew near,
The footsteps stopped beside you,
"Who was it?" You wonder,
Yet you couldn't open your eyes,
You try to move your body,
Yet there was no movement,
You want to scream,
And scream,
Not knowing what is going on,
And why was there emptiness,
In place of your beloved body,
You felt your head being lifted,
And rain began to fall,
But it was not rain,
No not rain,
But a lover's mourning tears.

Loose hair strands~

A filled up purse,
Nail polish,
Lipstick,
Credit card,
What else do you need?
Throw on clothes,
Simple yet fashionable,
A sweater and leggings,
Completed with flats,
What else do you need?
With rings on fingers,
A necklace hanging from a delicate neck,
Head held high,
Throw open the doors,
And bathe in sunshine.
Breath in life, 
Until night arrives,
And let your mind be liberated.
For night is a time of freedom,
A time when the most suffocating sounds can be found,
Yet a time when the most glass shattering noises can be heard.
Let the darkness envelop you,
And taste its sweetness at the tip of your tongue,
Run through its streets,
And tilt your head back and laugh,
As the breeze rustle the loose hair strands,
Loose hair strands that seem to dance.

Let them bloom with a trickle of Honey~

The fear in their eyes make you want to protect them,
But fear for rejection make you hesitate,
You love them,
But do they love you back?
As you look into their eyes,
Filled with hatred and betrayal,
You turn doubtful,
You think,
They will never accept your love.
But did you know,
Deep down,
They crave affection?
They crave for the gentlest kiss on the forehead,
They crave for someone to break down their barrier,
They crave for someone who will let them bloom.
They don't want to show weakness,
Therefore they hide it with a veil,
A veil almost impossible to see through,
Unless,
You reach out and remove the veil for them,
You then realise,
Behind their reproachful gaze,
There is desperation,
Battling to be shown.
Therefore,
Help them,
Help them destroy their what seems like permanent  walls.
Tell them you love them,
The words will trickle into their hearts,
Like honey,
And to them,
It will seem like the sweetest,
Most indulging honey.
But for now,
Their hearts will remain locked up,
Like treasure chests,
Sinking deeper,
And deeper,
Into the dark,
Troubling waters of the ocean,
Undiscovered...
Unloved...

Heritage Fair

I am soo scared!  It is going to be heritage fair this week and my group and I only had 2 weeks to do the whole thing!!!  What if I blank out in front of the judges?  What if I fail my group from lack of knowledge?  I must calm down!  If I calm down, everything will be absolutely fine!  I'm sure of it.  Keep it cool and just have fun!  What's the point of doing something if you can't enjoy it?  Right? I'm sure of myself of course I'm right!  Ok...PeACe :)